A plan. A million question. No answers.

A plan. A path. An experience. A tragedy. A million questions. 

I am really struggling right now to find the clear picture of God's path for me. I have so many questions and can't find anyone who can answer them truthfully. 

I am a Christian. I believe in God and Jesus. I believe Jesus died for our sins and he will come back someday. Basically what I learned in Sunday school stuck with me. But I still can't fathom that God has a plan for everyone when such tragic things happen to good people. For example....

Both my grandpas are 91 and still kicking! They have lived full lives. Full of romance with their wives, love from their children and grandkids...and now great grandkids. They worked every day of their living to put food on the table and live comfortably. They were devoted to their communities in different clubs and organizations. They enjoyed their hobbies of fishing, golfing and cards. They lived a full healthy life. I believe it was God's plan for them. 

Then I think of the high school junior who died suddenly on July 6th in a car accident. the most talented, beautiful, young mother that died of cancer at 37. The innocent people that were just killed in Paris and California. Many whom reported having very strong religious beliefs. Was it really God's plan for them to be killed? Did He think, ok they will live to be 17, 33, 37, 48 etc. That's their "life" plan. I don't understand. 

I also don't understand how it could possibly be part of the plan to have a drawn out illness. Bringing physical and mental pain as the loved one is suffering and the family around them deals with the horrific pain of slowly losing them. I personally am losing my best friend daily and I can't make it stop. It's not fair. My heart is hurting so much. I just want to have her back. She isn't gone but she is at the same time. 

 My friend's dad needs a lung transplant desperately. Was it part of God's plan for him to have him have this lung disease? Hundreds of people are praying for him and why hasn't God helped him? 

I just don't understand. 

I'm not sure if i will ever find the answer to my questions. It may be one of the first questions I ask when I get to heaven. That after why God put fireants and sporks on this planet! Until then I have to trust that this is part of His plan. Even though right now it's a pretty bumpy road.