Things to remember

Medical Journey

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I knew something was wrong but I do remember the first time I felt this pain. I was about 4 months pregnant with Reid. I woke up in the middle of the night and thought oh no I have the flu. My arms and legs hurt like I have never felt before. Now 4.5 years later I have an answer. 

The doctor said it was just a weird pregnancy symptom. They always chalk it up to pregnancy and that's definitely a valid answer because pregnancy does weird things to your body. She ran a few tests and my thyroid was a little elevated but not enough to warrant anything. And wouldn't you know the day I had Reid the pain stopped. 

The second I got pregnant with Emmy I knew I was pregnant before the positive test because my arms and legs started hurting. This pregnancy was rough. I was in so much pain from literally day one. 

Again she tested my thyroid and it was a little elevated but again nothing to do about it. As soon as Emmy was born the pain stopped again! Maybe it was just pregnancy?!

After Emmy's first birthday the pain came back. I got scared I was pregnant. Phew nope! Just pain and excruciating at that. I chalked it up to carrying 2 children and running around like ...well... a mom! But then I got a lot of other weird symptoms. 

My hair and my nails started to break easily. My vision started doing weird things. Doubling and coming in and out of focus. I was cold which is very unlike me! My skin was dry. I would sweat at weird times/places and all the time  But worst of all was the weight gain. 

I've struggled with weight issues in my past. It wasn't pretty. Yes after both pregnancies it's been hard to lose the weight. Partly because of postpartum issues. I just kept putting on the weight. But then I noticed no matter how healthy I ate the scale would creep up. And then 24 pounds in 3 month? WHAT?? I felt horrible. 

Between the pain and the weight I just knew something wasn't right. I made an appointment with my primary doctor. I will admit this visit was over due. 

Now one thing you need to know is I loath doctor's offices. Like with a passion. Sitting with other people freaks me out to the high heavens. Get me to the room and I'm fine. But waiting not so much. I had Shawn come with me for moral support. 

I saw the doctor and told her everything that was going on. She asked a ton of questions too. The biggest was my family history of autoimmune diseases. Well since I am adopted I don't know any of my medical history. I so wish I knew something, anything. After seeing the her I went and got my blood drawn. 

Then waited for the results. The first ones came in and looked ok. I have high cholesterol which is fine. Not crazy high but enough. All the other stuff looked good! Glucose, liver function, kidney function, blood cell counts etc. Then the thyroid number came through and I was a 13.7 with the normal range expected to be between 2-5. There is was Hypothyroidism. But everything else looked good.

The nurse called and put me on synthroid to start and see them again in 6 weeks. 

So here goes the beginning of my health story. My quest to figure this all out! 

This is how I feel!

Invitations - Social anxiety nightmare

Getting an invitation in the mail is so exciting! The birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, and other holiday events can be so much fun. But with social anxiety each invitation is a true test. 

This weekend we had an invitation to a friend's Easter egg hunt, so much fun! I was looking forward to it. Reid was so excited to go and Emmy was just excited about her new basket. 

I woke up early Saturday morning full of worry. There was the usual: what was I going to wear? What were the kids going to wear? Would they match? The usual. But then started the anxiety questions. What if I don't know anyone? What if they judge me? What if they talk to me and I am a stumbling bumbling idiot? What if I sweat and they don't understand and think I'm just the weird sweating girl? Oh dear goodness the questions just didn't end. 

After a quick morning nap, I was up all night from insomnia, I decided to push past the fear and enjoy this fun event with the kids. 

Of course my clothes were dirty but I didn't let this sidetrack me and I was able to find a simple outfit, pulled my hair in a ponytail and off I went. 

And guess what?! I was ok!!! 

I knew a couple people and the rest I let Shawn talk to, Mr. Social! The kids had a great time and Emmy found her first egg. After a fun hunt we left and went back for nap time. I passed out from exhaustion from anxiety. We all slept over 3 hours!

Emergency Preparedness Kit - What's in my bag

With the beginning of storm season upon us it was time to update our family Emergency Preparedness Kit. I update it every year with new food and clothing in appropriate sizes. You can never fully be prepared for what mother nature will have in store but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

Growing up in Colorado I was not familiar with tornado weather. We did have severe storms and heavy rain with hail but tornados don't form high in the Rocky Mountains. When I moved to Texas in 2001 I was in for a shock. The first year I was here I spent some time in the girls bathroom waiting for tornados to pass over. This Colorado girl was shaking in her cowboy boots!

I've always had a fascination with weather and once moving to Texas my fascination became a passion.  You will find me watching The Weather Channel all day during storm season. I even watch storm chasers live streaming while chasing storms. ::side note:: My first son may be named after a storm chaser... ok just halfway inspired by him. (The other half a contestant from The Bachelorette! HA) :: I'm considered the weather girl of the family. They call me to see what the weather conditions are going to be! Also if a severe storm with large hail or a tornado is coming towards them I call immediately. Heck, give me your phone number and I will put you on my call list!! I've watched the destruction that tornados can cause and I hope that in my life I will never have to live through it but if it does happen here is how I will be prepared.

Here is what is inside our bag for a family of 4 plus 1 cat:
- 1 ziplock with essentials
     - 2 flashlights
     - extra batteries
     - scissors
     - radio
     - matches
     - marker / paper
- 1 ziplock with essential papers (identification cards, medical cards, insurance papers)
- 2 first aid kits
- 4 small towels (1 per person)
- 1 or 2 pairs of working gloves
- 1 ziplock of small food items
- 1 baby bag - diapers, Advil/Tylenol with syringe
- 1 pack of baby wipes
- 1 ziplock of clothes per person (shirt, shorts, socks, underwear)
- 1 bottle of water per person
- 1 bag / can of cat food and bowl
- 1 pet collar
- 1 roll of toilet paper and cotton balls
- a few small toys

Outside the bag:
- 1 pair of shoes with soles per person
- 1 bicycle helmet per person
- 1 cat carrier
- 1 set of car keys

Everything should fit into the backpack. You don't want to be carrying around a suitcase. Only pack the essentials. Also packing in ziplock backs allows for organization, keeps things dry and also packs flat. Shown here are the gloves, small towels and a packed bag.

In the front pocket of the bag I keep a ziplock with the above items. These allow for quick access to flashlights, matches and scissors. Also keep one of the First Aid Kits in the front of top for a quick grab. 

Pictured here are my 4 bottles of water. You don't have to have a lot of water because it would be impossible to carry but at least 1 for each person. Both First Aid kits are pictured here. They including everything burn ointments, bandaids, ace bandages, a tourniquet, finger splints, antiseptic, gauze, etc. A large package of wipes not only for baby but also for cleaning off. The baby bag has diapers, infant Tylenol and children's Advil with syringes. A ziplock of non perishable food. I include granola bars, crackers, fruit snacks and applesauce. Easy to carry and again one per person. Update these yearly.

One thing that haunts me when I think about severe storms is losing my animals. They are very dear to me and depend on me for their safety. Don't forget to include stuff for them! I have the collar which I put on immediately when there is a warning with a tag with his name and our phone numbers. A can of food and a bag of dry food with a bowl. Update food each year. 

I include 3 bags of clothes. Each one of us has a shirt, pants/shorts, a pair of underwear and a pair of socks. The children's clothes are smaller and can be in one bag. Update these each year as children grow into new sizes. 

Bathroom essentials! You never know when you will have to go so toilet paper is a must. I also included extra cotton balls just to have on hand. 

When we are in our safety room we each wear a helmet. I have 4 of them. This way our heads are protected from falling debris. Up to 22% of people who die in a tornado died from a head injury. I am not willing to take that chance. Plus the kiddos look really cute sitting there with helmets on. Make it a fun game for them to wear them.

I know some will say this is an overkill but I feel like I would rather be over prepared than under prepared. Safety comes first in our family!

So that is our Emergency Preparedness Kit, what is in yours?!?!

20/20 - Emetophbia

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Last Friday night I watched the story of my life unfold through Jessica Mellen and her struggles with emetophobia. Watching it made me cry. Not tears of fears seeing and hearing all the words they were talking about, but seeing that there are so many others out there going through the same thing. I related to it all down to the last chilling detail. I also cried happy tears when I sat back and looked at how far I have come.

I have had this for a long long time. I still haven't figured out when it started but I can remember all the way back into my early childhood that it terrified me to no end. Every time someone would even mention the word vomit or throw-up I would have an immediate anxiety attack. I would obsess over something as simple as a word. My stomach would immediately tense up, I would start to sweat and sometimes I couldn't help but start crying uncontrollably. Why was this happening to me?

If someone mentioned that the stomach flu was going around I would stock up on hand sanitizer and stay inside my house. I was "protecting" myself but in reality I was hurting myself and allowing my phobia to win. There were weeks when I wouldn't even leave my house because of my fear. I shut the world out. I like Mellen would rather be shot in the leg than throw up.

Talking to someone who doesn't have a phobia is one of the hardest things. They have a hard time relating to your fear. They laugh it off and tell you to simple get over it and it's not that big of a deal. But to those with this phobia it is a huge deal and those simple words make it worse. It affects every part of your life. What you eat, who you hang out with, what TV and movies you watch, where and how you travel...and so much more.

In this 20/20 story Mellen focuses on the fact that she is scared to get pregnant because she has a fear that she will get morning sickness. OH MY GOSH! This was my greatest fear in the world. Not only how I was going to get through pregnancy and labor but how was I going to be able to take care of my son when he gets sick? How would I react? I don't want my fears to be passed on to him.

The day I found out I was pregnant I stocked up on every remedy for morning sickness. Crackers, ginger ale, sprite, lemon drops, pistachios, motion sickness bands, dramamine, tummy drops, mint EVERYTHING, B6 and Unisom. I became obsessed. I didn't sleep for a few weeks. I honestly thought I would have a panic attack that might kill me. It wasn't pretty.

The three weeks I had nausea sent me into overdrive. I cried uncontrollably. I pictured the worst. I couldn't be consoled. I didn't leave the house. But guess what? It ended. At 14 weeks I felt pretty good. Had other horrible symptoms, but I wasn't feeling sick. So far so good!

One confession I have to admit is... I was so scared of hearing another pregnant mom getting sick in the bathroom of the doctor's office that I would wear ear plugs every time I had to leave a sample. Now if you think about how many times you have to go to the doctor while pregnant this is pretty ridiculous. However it provided me comfort. I still find random ear plugs in the bottom of my purses.

I made it through the pregnancy and a 21 hour labor.

Reid had reflux. Babies spit up I was well aware of this. But Reid was HORRIBLE. I quickly realized I could handle it. It gave me confidence I didn't know I had. I felt so empowered that I could handle this and I did!

Putting Reid in preschool when he was 21 months old was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Was I upset my son was growing up? No. Was I upset that he would be away from me? No. I was terrified that he would catch germs and bring them home. Again kind of ridiculous and a little selfish. But it was my fear. I bawled every time I dropped him off, but I never let him see me cry. I wanted him to see me as strong and not scared. He ended up catching a lot of different things but thankfully I handled them all.

When I got pregnant with Emmy things were different. I was prepared again with all my arsenal. And this pregnancy sucked. I felt sick all the time. Yup, definitely a girl pregnancy! I didn't even hesitate. I asked for drugs. I just couldn't function feeling sick and trying to take care of a toddler. It was an anxiety nightmare. The medicine helped and calmed me down at the same time. I made it through another pregnancy and had a beautiful baby girl!

After suffering from extreme postpartum depression and anxiety I decided I needed to go onto a medicine to control it. Wasn't my first choice but I had no choice, I was hurting badly and it was affecting my entire family. This was the best decision I have ever made.

Reid has had a few episodes of throwing up. Now do I like it? HECK NO. But with all the work that I have done and with the medicine I do not run as far away. Like the time I drove to Colorado in college because my roommate got sick. Shawn is quick to help Reid and I. He supports me and understand that I will tell him how much I can handle. He has been absolutely amazing and supportive during this.

It has taken me at least 25 years to say this but I feel like I am making huge strides with my phobia! I am not cured in any means but I am at a place I never could have imagined I would be. I'm hoping that this fear doesn't get passed down to my children because I don't want anyone to have to suffer from this phobia. But if it does I will be aware of it and help them work through it.

Pink Ruffle Blanket

 When I first found out that my best friend was going to have her 4th child I was beyond excited! I love making blankets for babies and this one was going to be very special. However bestie is one of those old soul folks who doesn't like to find out the sex of the baby. These people confuse us planners! Man I couldn't wait the 20 weeks with both my kiddos. I HAD to know ASAP! But I accepted this, however I begged to see the ultrasound pictures in hopes I could catch a glimpse of the nub for the nub theory or even look at the shape of their forehead. (Oh people you just wait for my post about different theories of gender!) However I didn't know and I waited. In the mean time I made a lot of blankets but as soon as I found out it was a girl I busted out my best advanced skills!

I love how this blanket turned out. It was a simple repetitive pattern in the I Love This Yarn Rosy Pink. One single crochet and one half double crochet. The body of the blanket took me 2 evenings of prime time TV. The ruffles on the other hand. BOY HOWDY!! There is over 800 yards of white yarn around this blanket. Phew! It took me over a week to finish the border. But it was so worth it.

It is a special blanket for a very special little girl. I can't wait to meet you Lauren Marie!